When the word “Saudade” got a new meaning

Saudade is a word in Portuguese that I really don’t know how to translate, but it is what you feel when you miss something or someone.

For me Saudade was never a really deep feeling. I sometimes missed a few things, I would miss some people but it was never that deep. However, I also never left the side of my close family and my home for more than maybe 2 or 3 weeks. So, in reality, I never got time to let the feeling really get settled in.

I’m very close to my parents, my brother, my dog, my grandma, my cousins, my house and I always said that I didn’t know if I could ever handle having to leave Portugal and live elsewhere because I don’t know how to live without them by my side everyday. But still, I never felt real “saudade”.

Well, that was until I decided to leave Portugal for months to go backpacking around South America. For the first weeks, I would cry whenever anything reminded me of home. Not because I was away for long but because I knew I wouldn’t be back home for a while.

After 3 months, I’m getting used to the feeling and I don’t cry often, but I miss home…I miss it a lot!

Every time something happens, I just think how much I can’t wait to be home and tell my parents about my adventures. I can’t help but think “I think my brother would love this!” when I’m doing something fun. I find myself more often than not thinking of when I’ll be back. I’m loving this adventure and I think it is making me grow so much, but I can’t wait to share it back home and I can’t wait to feel the hug of my mom, my dad, my brother and see my little furry pal wagging his tail while I pet him.

And now, as I write this and with the tears slowly forming in my eyes, I can say that I now start to really know what “saudade” really feels like. I’m also very aware that I will miss all the places I’ve been to when I’m back home, but that just makes the experience even more beautiful.

XOXO,

Bárbara